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A couple has revealed how ‘swinging’ has made their relationship stronger than ever – as long as they always do it together and don’t stray separately.
Sex club owner Jess, 30, and events planner Jay, 46, told Kyle and Jackie O they met ‘the traditional way, on Tinder‘, two years ago and started dating soon after.
At the time Jess was still with her ex-fiancé, Lawrence, who is still her business partner at Our Secret Spot in Sydney‘s Annandale.
Jess, 30, with her partner Jay, 46, who have been together for two years and are swingers
Jess, pictured, was in an open relationship when she met Jay – he is now her only partner but the two do swing, always doing it together
As things developed between Jess and Jay, they decided to ‘close’ their relationship a little, excluding other partners.
To make up for the lack of sexual diversity Jess, who is bisexual and has been in non-monogamous relationships for a decade, suggested swinging.
‘I am quite open to things, so when she brought it up I thought it was worth a shot,’ Jay said.
The first time they ‘tried it’ was also Jay’s first ever ‘group sex experience’.
‘We had a foursome with my best friend and her partner,’ Jess explained.
Jay loves having open communication in his relationships and says the swinging lifestyle really works for him because the couple are always checking in on each other, speaking about boundaries and connecting even when they are with others.
‘We are always looking at each other in the moment,’ she explained.
And when things do become uncomfortable they can de-escalate quickly.
‘You definitely have points where you feel awkward. I remember once I was pulled into a position I felt really uncomfortable in,’ Jay said.
Jess opened Our Secret Spot with her ex-fiance, Lawrence, who is still her business partner
‘A position Jess and I do, and I just couldn’t get my head back,’ he said.
This is where Jess’ intuition and intimate knowledge of her partner shone through.
‘I looked over at him and he was like a deer in the headlights,’ she said.
‘I could sense his face change and realised he was having a freak out moment. So I pulled him in. brought things back in so it was just us.’
Jay says he doesn’t get jealous when Jess is with other people – because he ‘just wants her to be happy’.
But they have strong boundaries: they only swing together and they mostly swing with females.
Jess and Jay explained that swinging means the communication in their relationship is always open and honest – which makes their relationship stronger
‘I am more attracted to women,’ Jess said.
‘I am content with Jay as the man in my life,’ she added when Kyle asked if they would ever consider a threesome with a man.
Jess said she doesn’t think she could ever rule out swinging completely – but doesn’t mind having periods on and off it.
‘It has become such a beneficial change for me. It’s also is such an adaptable lifestyle that even if we choose to take some time off to focus on ourselves or building a family we could do so and have our relationship closed till we felt the urge to come back into the lifestyle,’ she told FEMAIL.
Jess can’t imagine her life without swinging and says she has seen so much growth in all of her relationships after finding the lifestyle
‘Swinging has most definitely improved my relationships both with my friends and partner. It has allowed me to be honest with myself in what I require from a partner as well as what I need to be like as a person to be happy.’
Jess runs Our Secret Spot in Annandale, Sydney’s inner west. She says new people who are wanting to try out swinging should sit down with their partner and talk about their boundaries before trying out the lifestyle.
In the segment Kyle appeared shocked by ‘how normal’ the couple were but declined an invitation to their club.
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