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Kelsey Parker has emotionally revealed how she’s consumed with ‘guilt’ over not being able to ‘save’ late husband Tom amid his brain cancer battle.
The Wanted star lost his life in March last year at the age of 33, after a year-and-a-half long battle with stage four glioblastoma brain cancer.
And in the final episode of her show Kelsey Parker: Life After Tom on Thursday, the mother-of-two, 32, headed for a therapy session, in which she admitted it will take ‘years and years to get over’ her guilt.
Difficult: Kelsey Parker has emotionally revealed how she’s consumed with ‘guilt’ over not being able to ‘save’ late husband Tom amid his brain cancer battle
As she reflected on life without her husband, Kelsey was asked by her therapist how she felt emotionally, with the widow remarking that she can’t get rid of the feeling that she was unable to stop Tom from dying.
Fighting back the tears, she said: ‘There’s still this guilt element, which I don’t think will go away over night.
‘It will take years and years to get over, the guilt that I wasn’t able to save him. But I know deep down in my heart that I did everything I could.’
The therapist went on to ask what she hoped for in the future, with Kelsey responding that she just wants to be happy, though she admitted that she needs to find herself again after two years dedicated to nursing her husband through his illness.
Tragic: The Wanted star lost his life in March last year at the age of 33 , after a year-and-a-half long battle with stage four glioblastoma brain cancer
She explained that she ‘completely lost myself’ while caring for Tom for two years and then after he died, she was ‘left to pick up the pieces.’
Kelsey – who recently told how Christmas was ‘harder than she anticipated’ – added she feels like she’s on a ‘massive journey to find out who I am, who is this person without Tom?’
Reflecting on the therapy session afterwards, Kelsey said: ‘It’s nice talking about the future but the future is hard for me.
‘Right now I want to get rid of the pain and feel happiness, but I know happiness is something I might not get now. This is hard, this thing that I’m living with is never ending, it’s a never ending grief. Grief is just a strange, strange thing.’
Tough: In the final episode of her show Kelsey Parker: Life After Tom on Thursday, the mother-of-two, 32, headed for a therapy session, in which she admitted it will take ‘years and years to get over’ her guilt
Struggles: It will take years and years to get over, the guilt that I wasn’t able to save him. But I know deep down in my heart that I did everything I could’
Meanwhile in the episode, Kelsey was joined by Tom’s bandmate Siva Kaneswaran as they paid an emotional visit to the hospice Tom passed away at.
Kelsey told how it was ‘important’ for her to go back there, to not only thank the staff, but to see how far she had come since then.
Though she was quick to add that even driving past the hospice still gives her the ‘heebie-jeebies.’
While there, the duo emotionally reflected on Tom’s final hours, with Siva recalling that although he was ‘a mess’ when Tom died, he noted how lovely it was to see all of the singer’s loved ones gathered together.
Ordeal: She explained that she ‘completely lost myself’ while caring for Tom for two years and then after he died, she was ‘left to pick up the pieces’
Grief: Right now I want to get rid of the pain and feel happiness, but I know happiness is something I might not get now’
Meanwhile, Kelsey broke down in tears as she also spoke of the moment of Tom’s passing, stating how she hugged and kissed him and told him to ‘walk towards the light’ as he was taking his final breaths.
She also revisited the bench she sat on in the garden shortly after he died, recalling that as she sat, a single white feather fell from the sky and she saw it as a sign from Tom telling her that he was OK and no longer in pain.
The end of the episode saw Kelsey and her pals visiting a spiritual retreat, where they took part in a cleansing ritual to help them rid themselves of anything they were holding on to.
Emotional: Meanwhile in the episode, Kelsey was joined by Tom’s bandmate Siva Kaneswaran as they paid an emotional visit to the hospice Tom passed away at
Memory: The duo reflected on Tom’s final hours, with Siva recalling that although he was ‘a mess’ when Tom died, he noted how lovely it was to see all of the singer’s loved ones gathered together
Emotional: Meanwhile, Kelsey broke down in tears as she also spoke of the moment of Tom’s passing, stating how she hugged and kissed him and told him to ‘walk towards the light’
Kelsey noted that she wanted to remove the guilt she felt at not being able to save her husband from death, adding that she needs to stop ‘punishing myself’ over something she had no control over.
Concluding the series in which she explored living with grief, Kelsey said that ‘Grief will always be there… you learn to grow around your grief.’
She added that she’s been growing around her grief and learning to cope, noting that in the future, she just wants herself and her children to be ‘happy and healthy’.
Reflection: She also revisited the bench she sat on in the garden shortly after he died, recalling that as she sat, a single white feather fell from the sky and she saw it as a sign from Tom
Looking forward: She added that she’s been growing around her grief and learning to cope, noting that in the future, she just wants herself and her children to be ‘happy and healthy’
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