Jeremy’s Farm Series Two: Funniest moments

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Jeremy Clarkson‘s often divisive views have won him a vocal critic or two. 

Yet steering clear of politics – and turning his hand to farming – has earned the former Top Gear host a legion of fans.

Now the 62-year-old TV star has unveiled the second season of his wildly popular series Clarkson’s Farm which follows his hapless attempts at running his own smallholding in Oxfordshire. 

After the roaring success of the first season, released in June 2021, the return to Diddly Squat sees Jeremy, his level-headed girlfriend Lisa and lovable aide Kaleb tackle a series of challenges – including Brexit delays, council struggles, badger enemies and a plan to open a restaurant. 

As well as these woes, Jeremy also suffers the pain of losing half his thumb in a potato-peeler accident, making enemies with a camera-shy cow and scalding himself on chillis.  

Here we take a look at the funniest moments to feature in the new season, which was released on Friday on Amazon Prime and received rave reviews from a host of publications. 

Jeremy’s Farm Series Two: Funniest moments

He’s back! The 62-year-old broadcaster manages the farm in Chadlington, Oxfordshire, and has documented the process for the Prime Video show Clarkson’s Farm. Pictured: Jeremy Clarkson at his Diddly Squat farm shop in West Oxfordshire

THE ATTACK COW: Jeremy gets cattle but is HATED by one of his cows

Jeremy is certainly a divisive character away from the farm – and it seems these feelings can sometimes extend to his own fields. 

When he obtains a herd of cows, they don’t exactly take to him – and according to Kaleb one in particular seems to harbour a grudge. 

Episode two sees the cows reject the fence keeping them contained and begin storming the neighbouring farm. 

Jeremy’s fraught relationship with his new cattle is a running theme and the star conceded he should never have added them to the farm. 

He says: ‘I thought, “Right! Well, I’ll get some cows.” But I don’t know anything about cow farming. Literally nothing at all. I wanted to get Friesians, and apparently, they’re used to make milk. I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything. I ended up with a fleet of shorthorn cows. Everyone nods and says, “Oh, they’re good.” I don’t know why.

‘It’s been a year of total disasters on the cow front. Absolute disasters, because I didn’t know anything, I shouldn’t have had cows. It was a mad thing to have got’. 

Speaking about the addition of cattle to Diddly Squat, Kaleb adds: ‘It’s the best addition ever. Cows beat sheep any day, don’t they?… The personalities they’ve got – you get that one cow that loves you to pieces… Then another cow who’s funny all the time. And you get that one cow who just literally hates you…

‘Well, there was definitely one cow in that herd that hated Jeremy, I tell you. We called her the Attack Cow. She was just protecting her calf, and Jeremy got in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don’t think she really meant it. The cows hate the drones, and they hate the cameras.  

‘The Attack Cow would chase the cameraman whenever he got near them. She was fine with me, she was fine with everybody else, but she would chase this one cameraman out of the pen and Jeremy was in the wrong place at the wrong time too.

‘[There was a bit of a mishap getting the cows into the barn when they first arrived] but I think that was Jeremy’s fault. I never blame the cows for anything. I think it’s probably Jeremy’s fault from not being very good at handling them. 

‘They did get out a few times as well because the fencing around the farm is not the best. It was put up 15 years ago. It has weak points. So that’s Jeremy’s fault as well.’ 

Clarkson witnesses the birth of a calf in the show - where he focuses on cattle

Clarkson witnesses the birth of a calf in the show – where he focuses on cattle

‘FOREIGN OXFORD NATIVES’ AND NO TRAIN: Kaleb continues to show his homebound ways 

Kaleb won the hearts of viewers in series one, thanks to his doe-eyed innocence and refusal to venture further than his local area – to the point of not even owning a passport. 

In a hilarious moment in the the new series, he reveals that he believes people from Oxford are ‘foreign’ and has never even been on a train – although his farming knowledge remains unparalleled. 

Speaking about his lovable aide, Jeremy says: ‘The thing about Kaleb is that he was born in Chipping Norton and, as we know from the first series, he’s never left it. He’d never been on a train, he’d never been in a taxi, he’d never been on any kind of boat. He’d certainly never been airborne. And he still doesn’t really leave Chipping Norton.

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‘Everyone’s seen the TV show, but they still just see him doing his business as usual, so his life hasn’t changed. Maybe if he went to Los Angeles and people were coming up to him in the street, then that would be a surprise to him. But he isn’t going to Los Angeles or London or Nice. He doesn’t have a passport.

‘What tends to affect famous people is when they get recognised when they’re in Sydney or Moscow. They go to African villages and start thinking, “I’m so famous, I must find someone to make me a cup of coffee.” But Kaleb just sits on his tractor – rarely more than a stone’s throw from where he’s always lived.’ 

Kaleb even revealed that he would love to star on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! – the only problem being he does not have a passport: ‘Yeah [I’m desperate to do the show]. One day, when I get a passport.’

Jeremy Clarkson appears to run over a mouse in the trailer - which later turns out to have avoided being squished

Jeremy Clarkson appears to run over a mouse in the trailer – which later turns out to have avoided being squished

GETTING HOT IN HERE: Jeremy and Lisa attempt to create their own chilli sauce 

Jeremy and Lisa attempt to create their own chilli sauce – only to discover Jeremy can’t quite take the heat.

During one their tasting trials with chefs sees him burst into a coughing fit. 

Jeremy says: ‘Well, I was like, “I like chilli sauce. I like chilli in food and things.” And I thought, “Well, that can’t be very difficult. We should get some chillies, and then we should grow them.”

‘We put some polytunnels up, which is not that difficult, and then bought a variety of chillies. I thought it would be fun to grow Carolina Reapers because it’s very easy to grow them and they’re very prolific. But my God, they’re hot. When I first tasted them, they caused me to actually burp while being sick which is something I’ve never experienced before.

‘Anyway, we made a sauce out of them. One sauce was lovely and just beautifully spicy, then we did a hotter one which I think, in hindsight, was a bit too hot. We’re going to put it on sale anyway – “come and have a go, if you think you’re hard enough” sort of thing’. ‘

BLOODY A-PEEL: Jeremy slices his thumb in potato peeler accident

While attempting to make his own crisps, Jeremy cuts his finger with a potato peeler – to the tune of cutting off half his thumb in a gory gaffe. 

Lisa is left feeling nauseous at the sight of her partner’s bloodied hand as he rushes to bandage his finger.  

Speaking about the incident, he said: ‘I cut half of my thumb off, but it’s all been sewn back on again now. It’s interesting that the only proper injury I’ve sustained in farming – a long-lasting one – was actually from cooking, rather than farming. Which just goes to show: Gordon Ramsay’s job is more dangerous than mine’. 

CLARKSON’S FARM SERIES TWO: The Reviews  

THE GUARDIAN  

‘Infectiously funny’

Rating:

‘It would be too much to say Jeremy Clarkson is complex, or an enigma. He does not contain multitudes. But he does have the disarming ability to present different versions of himself. At one end of the Clarkson spectrum is the rightwing bully columnist, at the other is the presenter of Clarkson’s Farm, a perfectly agreeable celebrity-out-of-their-depth reality show.. It’s something the man’s many, not-incorrect detractors might not have thought him capable of: harmless fun’

INDEPENDENT 

‘Jeremy is a terrifically articulate and charismatic advocate for rural issues’

Rating:

‘Those with a low Clarkson-tolerance will struggle with Clarkson’s Farm. It is filled with Clarksonisms and blokey pomposity… But what Clarkson understands – has always understood, from the early days of Top Gear– is that there is a sweet spot of confected reality, somewhere between Keeping Up with the Kardashians and the News at Ten’ 

STUFF 

 ‘The UK’s favourite acerbic antediluvians still makes addictive television’

 ‘Clarkson’s Farm continues to delight, showcasing a softer side to the now 62-year-old, while still proving that he is just as irascible, irrepressible and irresponsible as ever… Throw in some adroitly and humorously chosen classic soundtrack cuts (featuring everyone from The Who to Simon and Garfunkel) and, love him or hate him, you can’t help but be captivated by Clarkson’s attempts to transform his farm into something that’s both profitable and sustainable’

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