[ad_1]

Woody Harrelson hosted Saturday Night Live for the fifth time on Saturday, in part to promote his new movie Champions.

The 61-year-old actor started it with a long, rambling monologue and ended the show by receiving a Five-Timers Club jacket from fellow member Scarlett Johansson.

Harrelson opened up his hosting duties by saying he loves everyone possibly because he’s a ‘redneck hippie.’

He then mentioned that it was his fifth time hosting the show, making him part of the famous Five-Timers Club. The star put his arms out, expecting someone to rush out and place a jacket on his shoulders, but no one did.  

The Cheers said that last time he hosted the show he had a very strange experience the next day which involved him reading a script in Central Park after having ‘smoked a joint.’

Five-Timers Club: Woody Harrelson hosted Saturday Night Live for the fifth time on Saturday, in part to promote his new movie Champions

Five-Timers Club: Woody Harrelson hosted Saturday Night Live for the fifth time on Saturday, in part to promote his new movie Champions

Special guest: The 61-year-old actor started it with a long, rambling monologue and ended the show by receiving a Five-Timers Club jacket from fellow member Scarlett Johansson (Front Row L to R: Jack White, Harrelson, Johansson)

Special guest: The 61-year-old actor started it with a long, rambling monologue and ended the show by receiving a Five-Timers Club jacket from fellow member Scarlett Johansson (Front Row L to R: Jack White, Harrelson, Johansson)

While slowly making his way toward the point, Harrelson rattled off a list of things he could be described as including an ‘anarchist, Marxist, nondiscriminatory empath, epistemological deconstructionist, and Texan.’ 

He then described the plot of the script which involved a cartel forcing people to take drugs if they wanted to go outside which he said he didn’t find believable as he takes them ‘voluntarily.’ 

In his first sketch after the break, Harrelson plays a convicted felon speaking with his wife who isn’t in prison. 

He waxes poetic to his partner, saying he’s going to be out soon, but one of the prison guards says he won’t be. 

After every statement, the guard butts in and mocks Harrelson’s plans for when he finally leaves prison. 

‘I can’t buy a house, and I’m not in jail. I rent a one-bedroom apartment with a roommate,’ she said after hearing that Harrelson plans to buy his wife a house.

Another guard, played by Kenan Thompson, also steps after in Harrelson’s wife (Chloe Fineman) says some reassuring, if misleading things, to Harrelson, including insinuating that the couple’s son isn’t really Harrelson’s. 

The guards then take over the phone and chat together, completely invading and ending the couple’s private conversation. 

A digital short played after that where one of the cast members, named Ben, asks if his officemates want to hang out after work. They turn him down, and Harrelson asks if everything is O.K. between them. 

'Redneck hippie': Harrelson opened up his hosting duties by saying he loves everyone possibly because he's a 'redneck hippie

‘Redneck hippie’: Harrelson opened up his hosting duties by saying he loves everyone possibly because he’s a ‘redneck hippie

Jacket on? He then mentioned that it was his fifth time hosting the show, making him part of the famous Five-Timers Club. The star put his arms out, expecting someone to rush out and place a jacket on his shoulders, but no one did

Jacket on? He then mentioned that it was his fifth time hosting the show, making him part of the famous Five-Timers Club. The star put his arms out, expecting someone to rush out and place a jacket on his shoulders, but no one did

Jailhouse chat: In his first sketch after the break, Harrelson plays a convicted felon speaking with his wife who isn't in prison

Jailhouse chat: In his first sketch after the break, Harrelson plays a convicted felon speaking with his wife who isn’t in prison

Mocking: He waxes poetic to his partner saying he's going to be out soon, but one of the prison guards says he won't be

Mocking: He waxes poetic to his partner saying he’s going to be out soon, but one of the prison guards says he won’t be

Listening in: Another guard, played by Kenan Thompson, also steps after in Harrelson's wife (Chloe Fineman) says some reassuring, if misleading things, to Harrelson

Listening in: Another guard, played by Kenan Thompson, also steps after in Harrelson’s wife (Chloe Fineman) says some reassuring, if misleading things, to Harrelson

Insinuating: The guard insinuates that the couple's son isn't really Harrelson's

Insinuating: The guard insinuates that the couple’s son isn’t really Harrelson’s

When Ben says he doesn’t know, Harrelson suggests following them to see if they are hanging out without the cast member. 

A noir title card, accompanied by detective movie music, then plays as the pair engage in a stake out. It turns out they are spending time together without Ben, and Harrelson pulls out a gun and asks if he wants to kill them. 

His two friends cuddle up before leaning in to kiss with Ben shocked to see they are dating. He then sees them holding a baby before seeing a full blown family including a ‘moody teen.’ 

Ben wonders if the pair is keeping their relationship a secret from everyone at work but Kenan Thompson, who the kids call Uncle Kenan, arrives for dinner and throws his phone away when Ben tries to text him.

They then hold ‘New Ben auditions’ in the living room to replace their friend with a better version. 

Ben confronts the pair, and they says they don’t want to actually replace him before  changing their minds and choosing Harrelson as the ‘New Ben.’

The next clip shows two couples getting on a huge rollercoaster. Harrelson’s character Sam gets talked into hopping on the ride. 

Roller coaster: A digital short played after that where one of the cast members, named Ben, asks if his officemates want to hang out after work. They turn him down, and Harrelson asks if everything is O.K. between them

Roller coaster: A digital short played after that where one of the cast members, named Ben, asks if his officemates want to hang out after work. They turn him down, and Harrelson asks if everything is O.K. between them

Not sure at first: He tries to get off the coaster while Kenan Thompson's character Kevin tells him he can't

Not sure at first: He tries to get off the coaster while Kenan Thompson’s character Kevin tells him he can’t

Passed out: As the ride takes off, Sam screams in joy while Kevin passes out

Passed out: As the ride takes off, Sam screams in joy while Kevin passes out

Confession: He then confesses that he only painted planes in the Air Force and lost his job two weeks prior to the incident as he wakes up in between moments of unconsciousness

Confession: He then confesses that he only painted planes in the Air Force and lost his job two weeks prior to the incident as he wakes up in between moments of unconsciousness

Captain: Later on, Harrelson, playing a Navy captain, begins a passionate speech to his crew about defending 'God's country'

Captain: Later on, Harrelson, playing a Navy captain, begins a passionate speech to his crew about defending ‘God’s country’

He tries to get off the coaster while Kenan Thompson’s character Kevin tells him he can’t. As the ride takes off, Sam screams in joy while Kevin passes out. 

The duo get off the ride before Kevin’s girlfriend says she wants to go with him again, and he passes out once more. 

He then confesses that he only painted planes in the Air Force and lost his job two weeks prior to the incident as he wakes up in between moments of unconsciousness. 

Later on, Harrelson, playing a Navy captain, begins a passionate speech to his crew about defending ‘God’s country.’ 

See also  Capital's Jingle Bell Ball 2022: Dua Lipa and Becky Hill lead stars

He goes on about the noble name of the ship before revealing it is ‘Mr. Dingleberry’s Goochballoon ASDFJKL ; 6969.’ 

The crew then says the name was voted on during a social media poll, and the crew reveals everyone assumes Harrelson’s name is actually ‘Mr. Dingleberry.’  

Harrelson’s character’s wife calls in and leaves him because she doesn’t want to be ‘Mrs. Dingleberry,’ and then the crew blows up the ridiculously-named submarine.

Ridiculous name: He goes on about the noble name of the ship before revealing it is 'Mr. Dingleberry's Goochballoon ASDFJKL ; 6969'

Ridiculous name: He goes on about the noble name of the ship before revealing it is ‘Mr. Dingleberry’s Goochballoon ASDFJKL ; 6969’ 

Mr. Dingleberry: The crew then says the name was voted on during a social media poll, and the crew reveals everyone assumes Harrelson's name is actually Mr. Dingleberry

Mr. Dingleberry: The crew then says the name was voted on during a social media poll, and the crew reveals everyone assumes Harrelson’s name is actually Mr. Dingleberry

Leaving him: Harrelson's character's wife calls in and leaves him because she doesn't want to be 'Mrs. Dingleberry'

Leaving him: Harrelson’s character’s wife calls in and leaves him because she doesn’t want to be ‘Mrs. Dingleberry’

Group decision: Ultimately, the crew members decide to blow up their ship rather than potentially die on a ridiculously named submarine.

Group decision: Ultimately, the crew members decide to blow up their ship rather than potentially die on a ridiculously named submarine. 

Woody then stars in a Cologuard commercial where the talking box tells him to ‘go inside him.’ Cologuard is a colon cancer screening tool which requires users to relieve themselves in a box and mail it to a lab for tests. 

‘Come on, it’s fun for both of us,’ the box tells Woody. ‘You get the satisfaction of knowing you’re doing everything you can to protect your colon, and I get another kind of satisfaction. So go ahead, unload in me.’ 

A female version of the box then asks if he would rather defecate inside her. 

‘Would you feel more comfortable unloading on a little woman like me?’ she asks. ‘Would that make you feel like a real man?

He’s then surrounded by dozens of boxes who all want to see him ‘unleash.’ As the boxes advance on them, it’s revealed that the boxes aren’t really moving and Woody is actually high and hallucinating. 

Inappropriate colon cancer screening: Woody then stars in a Cologuard commercial where the talking box tells him to 'go inside him'

Inappropriate colon cancer screening: Woody then stars in a Cologuard commercial where the talking box tells him to ‘go inside him’ 

'Satisfaction': 'Come on, it's fun for both of us,' the box tells Woody. 'You get the satisfaction of knowing you're doing everything you can to protect your colon, and I get another kind of satisfaction'

‘Satisfaction’: ‘Come on, it’s fun for both of us,’ the box tells Woody. ‘You get the satisfaction of knowing you’re doing everything you can to protect your colon, and I get another kind of satisfaction’ 

Different box: A female version of the box then asks if he would rather defecate inside her

Different box: A female version of the box then asks if he would rather defecate inside her

Advancing on him: He's then surrounded by dozens of boxes who all want to see him 'unleash'

Advancing on him: He’s then surrounded by dozens of boxes who all want to see him ‘unleash’

Very high: As the boxes advance on them, it's revealed that the boxes aren't really moving and Woody is actually high and hallucinating'

Very high: As the boxes advance on them, it’s revealed that the boxes aren’t really moving and Woody is actually high and hallucinating’

Later in the episode, a movie director (Mikey Day) tells several actors that the studio has scrapped their new project, The Hippo, while in the middle of shooting. 

While the other actors lament about dyeing their hair and other trivial matters, an actor named Keith (Harrelson in a huge fat suit) reveals he gained 450 pounds in six months for the role. 

The others continue to complain, and Keith reveals he now has a disease called triabetes, which he describes as ‘the one after diabetes.’ 

See also  I'M A CELEBRITY 2022 LIVE: Full line-up including Boy George, Mike Tindall enter Australian jungle

The director then reveals that Keith could’ve worn a fat suit, but he turned down that option on Keith’s behalf. Harrelson’s character collapses on a couch nearby. 

The cast then tries to make themselves feel better by saying ‘I have’ statements, statements about what they gained for the experience. 

When it comes to Keith, he says he has ‘not seen my p*nis four months.’ 

Brendan Fraser’s Academy-Award nominated film is referenced multiple times with some of the actors saying The Mummy actor was going to win the coveted Oscar.  

Scrapped: Later in the episode, a movie director (Mikey Day) tells several actors that the studio has scrapped their new project, The Hippo, while in the middle of shooting

Scrapped: Later in the episode, a movie director (Mikey Day) tells several actors that the studio has scrapped their new project, The Hippo, while in the middle of shooting

450 pounds! While the other actors lament about dyeing their hair and other trivial matters, an actor named Keith (Harrelson in a huge fat suit) reveals he gained 450 pounds in six months for the role

450 pounds! While the other actors lament about dyeing their hair and other trivial matters, an actor named Keith (Harrelson in a huge fat suit) reveals he gained 450 pounds in six months for the role

'Triabetes: The others continue to complain, and Keith reveals he now has a disease called triabetes, which he describes as 'the one after diabetes

‘Triabetes: The others continue to complain, and Keith reveals he now has a disease called triabetes, which he describes as ‘the one after diabetes

'Method': The director then reveals that Keith could've worn a fat suit, but he turned down that option on Keith's behalf. Harrelson's character collapses on a couch nearby

‘Method’: The director then reveals that Keith could’ve worn a fat suit, but he turned down that option on Keith’s behalf. Harrelson’s character collapses on a couch nearby

'I have': The cast then tries to make themselves feel better by saying 'I have' statements, statements about what they gained for the experience

‘I have’: The cast then tries to make themselves feel better by saying ‘I have’ statements, statements about what they gained for the experience

Huge change to his body: When it comes to Keith, he says he has 'not seen my p*nis four months'

Huge change to his body: When it comes to Keith, he says he has ‘not seen my p*nis four months’

Working out: Harrelson and Bowen Yang star in one of the last clips as two men who are at the fanciest gym in the world

Working out: Harrelson and Bowen Yang star in one of the last clips as two men who are at the fanciest gym in the world

Corny jokes: As the pair lift light weights, they speak in a series of corny puns while ratcheting up their flirting more and more

Corny jokes: As the pair lift light weights, they speak in a series of corny puns while ratcheting up their flirting more and more

Harrelson and Bowen Yang star in one of the last clips as two men who are at the fanciest gym in the world.  

Their gym features a cobblestone treadmill and stationary Vespa among a number of other extravagant workout machines. 

As the pair lift light weights, they speak in a series of corny puns while ratcheting up their flirting more and more. 

Jack White served as the musical guest during the episode, playing Taking Me Back Gently and A Tip from You to Me. 

The show ended with Thompson presenting White with a Five-Timers Club jacket, hilariously passing by Harrelson who looks affronted. White served as a musical guest for the fifth time on Saturday. 

Johansson, who is also the wife of cast member Colin Jost, then jumped onstage to give Woody his own. 

Performer: Jack White served as the musical guest during the episode, playing Taking Me Back Gently and A Tip from You to Me

Performer: Jack White served as the musical guest during the episode, playing Taking Me Back Gently and A Tip from You to Me

Giving a jacket to Jack: The show ended with Thompson presenting White with a Five-Timers Club jacket, hilariously passing by Harrelson who looks affronted

Giving a jacket to Jack: The show ended with Thompson presenting White with a Five-Timers Club jacket, hilariously passing by Harrelson who looks affronted

Bringing his own: Johansson, who is also the wife of cast member Colin Jost, then jumped onstage to give Woody his own

Bringing his own: Johansson, who is also the wife of cast member Colin Jost, then jumped onstage to give Woody his own

[ad_2]

Source link