Paramedic Nikki Jurcutz has spoken about gender disappointed and urged others to be open and honest about it too
A pregnant mum-of-two has urged people to be more open and honest about gender disappointment after finding out her third child is a boy.
Paramedic Nikki Jurcutz courageously admitted she, her husband and her daughter were all feeling ‘sad’ when they found out the sex of her unborn baby.
The Tiny Hearts Education founder has been very open about her pregnancy journey, including suffering losses, so is no stranger when it comes to embracing ‘taboo’ subjects.
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‘It’s a taboo topic for sure but last night 11k people admitted that they experienced it, whether it was a slight ohh or severe disappointment, and another 6k said they only didn’t because they got what they wanted but otherwise would have,’ the mum wrote in a post on Instagram.
She added that the numbers came from her own poll and represented 65 per cent of participants – proving it is ‘very real’.
‘We wanted a little girl, for many reasons and that’s ok, and it’s ok to feel sad that we are saying goodbye to that idea. The sadness you feel can coexist with excitement,’ she wrote in the post alongside a picture of her very disappointed eldest child.
‘We were sad that our little girl didn’t get the dream of a little sister, that we couldn’t give aunties, uncles and grandparents a girl, in a sea of boys.’
She made her post alongside this heartbreaking picture of her disappointed eldest daughter
Nikki is due to welcome her son in June, and says the gender disappointment ‘absolutely coexists with love, joy and happiness’.
‘Above all, all we truly care about is a healthy baby and we feel blessed.’
She also asked people to be kind.
‘Remember, we all walk life in different shoes, we have different life experiences and this forms the people we are and our perspectives. Some are more privileged than others, I acknowledge that.’
‘So for some it’s completely incomprehensible to have these feelings and that’s ok. I certainly got some heated messages through last night but I’m not about to tell those people not to feel their feelings, because that would be hypocritical of me but what I will say is that just because you didn’t experience it or don’t understand it, doesn’t mean you have the right to minimise how others feel,’ she said.
Nikki has been very open about her pregnancy – and also about experiencing loss in her journey to complete her family
‘We have to stop telling women that we should or shouldn’t feel a certain way. We don’t always feel what we expect or want to feel, that’s life.’
She went on to reveal she learned that most people don’t react in the ‘expected or accepted’ ways.
‘I’ve seen people silent, when you’d expect hysteria, I’ve seen people laugh when you’d expect crying, I’ve seen people disassociate when you’d expect euphoria,’ she said.
‘Humans are complex and if we all aim to be accepting and allow people to feel their feelings without judgement, we are doing important work towards modelling emotional intelligence for our little ones.
She also shared this grab in her stories – showing the raw reality of the situation
‘Gender disappointment is real, it can affect partners and kids, it’s ok and it will pass.’
Nikki’s long post was met with enthusiasm from her followers, many of whom thanked her for her raw honesty.
‘Thank you for sharing this. It’s so hard to put into words sometimes for friends and family to understand, I personally don’t like the word gender disappointment because the stigma of the word ‘disappointment’ makes people think we are disappointed in the babies we are currently pregnant with or the babies we have which is so hard to explain. I like to call it gender grief because it’s grief over mourning a child you may never have’ one woman wrote.
‘Just because you wanted a gender doesn’t necessarily mean you love your baby any less or would trade them. Thanks for being brave,’ said a second.
Others shared their own experiences with gender disappointment.
‘Someone put it to me like this ”I’m not sad to have a boy, I’m grieving the daughter I’ll never have and the dreams l’ve had for her my whole life” it hit the nail on the head for me and made me feel a lot less guilt. I love my boys and I never cared if I had boys. I just really wanted a daughter too,’ one mum wrote.
‘I am a girl mum to two beautiful babes. I absolutely adore them both with everything I have but mourn the fact I’ll never have a boy,’ another added.