A woman who caught her husband cheating with a younger colleague is torn over whether to tell their children the truth about why they’ve split.
Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the devastated wife revealed that her husband of 12 years moved out after she discovered his affair with a colleague nine years younger than her, who at the time was engaged to another woman.
‘I’ve had to lie to my 12-year-old who has asked me if Daddy has had an affair,’ she said. ‘I decided it was up to him to tell her not me. I want the kids to have a positive relationship with him as I don’t want them F’ed up by this.
‘I also have to be mindful that I need things to stay pleasant now divorce proceedings are starting.’
Commenters were divided with some claiming that it’s not her responsibility to protect her children from the truth, while others agreed that she needs to tread carefully.
A women admitted on Mumsnet she was left with a huge ‘hole’ after catching her husband in a work affair (stock image)
The mum-of-two had long suspected that things were amiss when she discovered an email revealing details of an STI kit he had ordered, alongside WhatsApp messages plotting to ‘leave me and my two girls’.
She said she blames herself for the entanglement, owing the attraction to his mistress ‘being the opposite of me’.
The ex-couple now live apart but the poster harbours feelings of heartbreak and rejection as she struggles to balance the realities of single-motherhood and dating. In an updated post, she expressed fears about coping financially in the future.
In her post entitled ‘Life after affair – affecting everything’, the woman wrote: ‘Seven months ago I discovered my husband of 12 years was having an affair, very predictably with a woman 9 years younger than me from his work.
‘To add to the drama she was engaged to a woman at the time. Her fiancé threatened to tell me as she found out several months before I did yet they still carried on.
‘Basically she was the opposite of me. Didn’t want kids, free spirit, not hugely career minded. I think he wanted escapism. Things had been rocky for 3 years before he did this and I do take some responsibility for that.
‘I suspected for several weeks and found an email for an STI kit he had ordered, along with WhatsApps plotting to leave me and my two girls either before my 40th or to wait until after my 40th (I found out before as a side note ).
The mum revealed the disturbing ordeal and she sought advice on how to move on following a divorce from her two-timing husband who she claimed ‘didn’t beg me to take him back’ even after being caught in the act
‘I’ve since found out he did things like telling me he was going to work and instead spending the day with her, taking her to fancy restaurants, bought her a necklace….the whole works.
‘I feel I have hit an emotional wall’, she continued. ‘If anything I’m struggling more than I was two months ago. My sleep is crap, I flit from feeling highly anxious to angry’.
‘I have tried online dating as really feel I need to try and move on with life. He didn’t beg me to take him back which has totally crushed my self-confidence and feelings of rejection.
‘I have met a nice man on Hinge a couple of months ago. We are just dating but I’m constantly looking for signs he is speaking to other women. It is making me feel sick with anxiety. How do I move on with my life?’
She said she’s also struggling with what to tell their children, explaining that her daughter, 12, has already asked if her dad had an affair.
‘I’ve had to lie. I decided it was up to him to tell her not me,’ she said.
‘He is now living in a flat round the corner from the family home and I’m trying so hard to keep things amicable. He comes round most eves after work to see my daughters.’
In detailed responses, users empathised with the mum’s experience as they revealed details of their own heartbreak.
‘I’m 17 months post and still have nightmares (although a bit more to my story) but betrayal is betrayal’ said one user.
In exceptionally detailed responses, users empathised with the mum’s experience as they revealed riveting details of their own
‘You’re struggling because seeing him is triggering. Stop having him come by all the time? He can see the kids elsewhere.
‘The lack of trust is normal after infidelity unfortunately. Take it steady and just talk to him. If he’s right he’ll stick around’.
In another lengthy comment, a second suggested the poster work on her self-esteem, writing: ‘Dating isn’t the answer to your self-esteem issues, you need to fix that from within!’
‘It’s going to hurt’ they continued’.
‘It’s hurting worse, & longer because f**kwit is inserting himself into your evening routine every night. You need clear air between him & you, or how else can you start healing?’
‘You’re not a doormat’ added another.
‘You are reeling with shock & betrayal & fear. It’s ok. It’s normal. It passes. I think you are amazing and strong and trying to do your best. I’m eight years on but can still remember that feeling of unreality and being overwhelmed by the situation as the decisions to make’.
While another agreed saying: ‘I think it’s always going to be tough to move on when he’s coming round all the time. If he’s got the kids twice a week anyway then limit it to one visit, or none. He can always take them out to dinner if he wants to see them.
‘I’d be careful with dating if you’re not ready, you don’t want to hurt someone unintentionally.’