[ad_1]

A marriage therapist has revealed a dangerous relationship habit that she says ‘every couple’ does subconsciously, warning that it could well lead to the end of a romance if it goes unaddressed.

Andrea Lystrup, a licensed therapist from Maryland, took to TikTok to offer up some sage wisdom about relationships – revealing the one behavior that she says could be causing a serious rift between you and your partner, without either of you realizing. 

‘Want to know something every couple does, but they don’t know they’re doing it?’ she asked at the start of her clip – which has racked up more than 1.2 million views.

‘Almost every couple I’ve ever worked with get stuck in these same predictable patterns over conflict, but yet no one ever talks about why we are doing this.’

In her viral video, Andrea explains that most couples fail to identify their attachment styles – which play an essential role in every aspect of a relationship, particularly when it comes to dealing with conflict. 

She explains that in every relationship one person, who she refers to as the ‘pursuer’, may want to talk about the problem until they feel it’s resolved, whereas another person, who she calls the ‘withdrawer’, may want to avoid the problem all together, in hopes of it going away. 

She added that by not deciphering whether you’re the pursuer or withdrawer, you could be jeopardizing your relationship. 

She revealed how your relationship might be heading towards an end because of the way you and your partner are subconsciously handling your problems

She revealed how your relationship might be heading towards an end because of the way you and your partner are subconsciously handling your problems

In a viral video, Andrea described how people with anxious and avoidant attachment styles could be jeopardizing their relationships

In a viral video, Andrea described how people with anxious and avoidant attachment styles could be jeopardizing their relationships

Andrea explained those with anxious attachment styles often want to bring up the past, while avoidants 'withdraw' and try to distract themselves from conflict

Andrea explained those with anxious attachment styles often want to bring up the past, while avoidants ‘withdraw’ and try to distract themselves from conflict

In the video, which racked up over 1.2 million views, Andrea detailed how to find out which attachment style you’re harboring and why you should stop before it ruins your relationship. 

Anxious versus avoidant: How to tell how which attachment style you’re exhibiting that could be ruining your relationship

  • An anxious attachment style is when you are often more needy in relationships and need constant reassurance. 
  • People with anxious attachment styles often bring up the past and continuously talk about the conflict until they feel it has been completely resolved. 
  • An avoidant attachment style is when someone avoids intimacy altogether and keep other people at a distance. 
  • People with avoidant attachment styles often withdraw from conflict and can feel trapped by romantic relationships.

‘So one of you in your relationship is the pursuer and one of you is the withdrawer,’ she said in the beginning of the video. 

Andrea went on to detail that the person who is the pursuer often wants to have ‘a lot of explanations’ and is usually bringing up the past to create safety through ‘lots of information.’

See also  Cristiano Ronaldo's partner Georgina Rodriguez splashes out £250,000 on Rolls-Royce for footballer

The other person in the relationship, who Andrea refers to as the ‘withdrawer’, avoids conflict, pours themselves into their job and attempts to distract themselves to ‘get them out of a difficult conversation.’ 

She adds that people in relationships often cling to their attachment style because they only feel safe when they stick to what they’ve always seen as comfortable. 

However; this can become an issue when the purser in the relationship becomes too anxious and feels as though they aren’t being given the time of day by the withdrawer. 

‘And because nobody really likes feeling anxious, we focus more on conflict resolutions because that gives us the illusion that we can do something about it. 

‘When really, the solution is learning to tolerate anxiety that’s just going to be there.’ 

In the caption of her video, Andrea further touches on what she describes to be anxious and avoidant attachment styles by offering up some comforting advice to those who are experiencing anxiety in their relationships. 

‘Your relationship is unique, and yet it’s just like everyone else’s. Communication skills aren’t nearly as important as your ability to tolerate the anxiety that is always going to be part of being in a relationship. 

‘Relationships always have a risk that someone you love will leave you, and that anxiety is terrifying to face. 

‘So we pretend we have control over it by focusing on things we feel more control over: the way we talk to each other. 

‘But there is nothing you can say that will soothe the fear that is fundamental to relationships. Trying to solve the unsolvable just keeps you stuck repeating the same patterns over and over again. ‘ 

@dancingfordesire

Your relationship is unique, and yet it’s just like everyone else’s. Communication skills aren’t nearly as important as your ability to tolerate the anxiety that is always going to be part of being in a relationship. Relationships always have a risk that someone you love will leave you, and that anxiety is terrifying to face. So we pretend we have control over it by focusing on things we feel more control over: the way we talk to each other. But there is nothing you can say that will soothe the fear that is fundamental to relationships. Trying to solve the unsolveable just keeps you stuck repeating the same patterns over and over again.

♬ original sound – Andrea Lystrup, Love Therapist

Users were quick to flood her comments section with words of praise, while others couldn't believe the accuracy of the therapist's explanation of their own relationships

Users were quick to flood her comments section with words of praise, while others couldn’t believe the accuracy of the therapist’s explanation of their own relationships

Users were quick to flood her comments section with words of praise, while others couldn’t believe the accuracy of the therapist’s explanation of their own relationships. 

‘I feel so attacked so early on a Thursday morning,’ wrote one user. 

‘Yes, yes, yes,’ added another user. 

One user said: ‘Wow…TikTok really said FYP.’ 

‘Omg this is so my relationship,’ admitted another user. 

[ad_2]

Source link