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Dame Kelly Holmes broke down crying during a Monday appearance on This Morning, after coming out as gay on Sunday.
The athlete, 52, tragically admitted she ‘doesn’t feel she had ever been happy’ but is now able to live her life authentically after years of living her life in fear.
Filling presenter Phillip Schofield with tears, who came out in February 2021, she detailed her negative experiences in the army, where it was illegal for LGBTQ+ people to serve until 2000.
Open: Dame Kelly Holmes broke down crying during a Monday appearance on This Morning, after coming out as gay on Sunday
When asked by Phillip if she had ‘someone special’ in her life, Dame Kelly nodded – however she had already confirmed this over the weekend.
Speaking on the daytime programme to promote her Being Me documentary, which will air on ITV on Sunday, the Olympian began: ‘When it was announced, I was in a bubble and the reaction was amazing but I felt it wasn’t the real world.
‘Now sitting here today, it feels like the real world. This is such a big step for me to be open and honest.
‘I feel that was one reason I wanted to do the documentary, I needed to talk about this for myself and the documentary was a way of me articulating the fear I’ve had for many year.
Candid: Filling presenter Phillip Schofield with tears, who came out in February 2021, she detailed her negative experiences in the army, where it was illegal for LGBTQ+ people to serve until 2000
‘It informs people of the complexities of being gay. I’ve never said that publicly on TV and people don’t realise how hard it is to say it on TV. I’m not ashamed but I’ve had to keep it inside all these years.’
The Kent-native explained how her family and close friends have known for years she is gay but she worried about being in trouble for breaching retrospective rules in the Forces.
At the time, the forces had a ban on LGBTQ+ soldiers, which was only lifted in 2000. Kelly had relationships with other women during her 10 years in service.
She said: ‘You’ve read about the rules of homosexuality in the army that it was illegal to be gay until 2000 but you can’t change who you are.
‘I loved being a soldier yet I couldn’t express that and it was really difficult. There was interrogation that happened and I speak to people who dealt with really shocking things, raids, it was scary, humiliating, embarrassing.’
‘People were tipped off and they would come into your barracks and empty your drawers and try and find if there was any evidence you would be gay.
Onwards and upwards! The athlete, 52, tragically admitted she ‘doesn’t feel she had ever been happy’ but is now able to live her life authentically after years of living her life in fear
Happier: When asked by Phillip if she had ‘someone special’ in her life, Dame Kelly nodded – however she had already confirmed this over the weekend
Emotional: Phil warmly smiled towards the sportswoman as his eyes welled up
‘My friends and family used to write to me, everything went into a box. They’d say, “Love Kerry or Lisa,” my best friend from school, you would put it in the boot of your car so the court marshal wouldn’t see.
‘What you have to remember is it’s a career, people fought for their country. The documentary also goes through how great it is now. I have a love hate relationship, I was never able to tell them, I could never be me.
‘This is 34 years of being so scared if they found out I would be in trouble. It was only when I had a bad breakdown in December 2020…
‘I’ve always spoken very openly about my mental health but I’ve always been able to relate it to sport but because I became a self harmer, I didn’t want to be here frankly at some points in my life.
Must watch: She spoke on the daytime programme to promote her Being Me documentary, which will air on ITV on Sunday
Strong: The Olympian began: ‘When it was announced, I was in a bubble and the reaction was amazing but I felt it wasn’t the real world’
‘In 2020, I had a really bad breakdown if I didn’t release it, I didn’t know what to do.
‘I am relieved to finally do it but it’s hard to unravel everything. I know the relief will come gradually and its the final thing of releasing myself. I don’t feel I’ve ever been happy, but I feel I can now.
‘My friends and family have been there all the time. I’ve lived my life privately as me, my mum passed away and it was devastating and it was almost the start of me needing to change. It ripped my heart apart
‘It’s taken a four and a half year process to even get to this, everything that hurts me. I know I have a voice to change things, people have the right to live their lives.
Relating: Phillip spoke on This Morning about his battles with keeping his secret and the relief of coming out last year
Kind: Phil and Holly Willoughby provided support for Dame Kelly as she bravely told her story
Role model: ‘Now sitting here today, it feels like the real world. This is such a big step for me to be open and honest’
‘I had complexities from being in the army and then as an international athlete where no one spoke abut being gay.
‘Constantly it was in the back of my head. I finally did it and I’m never gonna say it wasn’t the best days of my life,.
‘In the back of my mind it’s always been consuming, “Are people gonna find out? Is someone gonna out me?” cos I still had the fear of what the army might do.
‘I hope people see my documentary. They would be shocked with the change the army has brought on over the past 22 years.
‘We know things have changed over the years, there’s more visibility now, I got quite ill with Covid and was laying on the sofa thinking, “When I die, all my friends and family will stand over me saying, “Isn’t it a shame she couldn’t be herself?”
‘The harder things is being in the public eye. I hope so many people who have a barrier speak to people.
‘There are so many people who do accept you and they should be there to support you. We are humans with emotions like everyone else.
‘I hope people see what we talk about, it’s so hard to say it but I’m still the same person I am today as when I crossed that line.
‘I hope people see me as a role model because I will use my voice and make a difference for people.’
It comes after Kelly said she is ‘overwhelmed’ by the support she has received after coming out as gay.
The Olympic runner took to Instagram on Sunday to thank her fans and added that her late mother, Pam Norman, would be ‘so proud’ of her for being her true self.
She received an outpouring of support from both her followers and celebrities after she spoke about her sexuality for the first time and declared that she ‘finally feels free’ after years of living a ‘secret’ life.
‘I can’t process it right now!’ It comes after Kelly said she is ‘overwhelmed’ by the support she has received after coming out as gay
Alongside a photo of her stood in front of a rainbow striped butterfly, Dame Kelly penned: ‘The morning after the night before. Firstly THANK YOU – The support has been overwhelming- I actually don’t think I can take it all in and process it right now!
‘So here it is, the start of a new chapter in my long life book. This is an old picture when I just liked the fact that I was in black and making the body of a butterfly.
‘It was pride month (as is this month) but nothing really to do with the rainbow. It was because the butterfly (as well as a puzzle piece) is a symbol I associate with my mother who passed away in 2017 from @myelomauk bereavement it’s hell.’
‘Finally free’! She received an outpouring of support from both her followers and celebrities after she spoke about her sexuality for the first time (pictured 2004)
Strong bond: Speaking of her mum, she detailed: ‘My “Mother Dear” would be so proud of my announcement’ (pictured together in 2005)
Speaking of her mum, she continued: ‘My “Mother Dear” would be so proud of my announcement in the Sunday Mirror she always played me the song “You’re a superstar” by love inc and wanted me to be truly me.
‘This announcement is part of a journey I have been on over the past 4months filming a documentary about my authentic life and how hard it has been to not be me.’
‘It’s emotional so get the tissues ordered!,’ she explained.
‘True self’: The Olympic star concluded: ‘I have been petty oblivious and ignorant about it all but I hope one day to be an authoritative voice’
The Olympic star concluded: ‘Lastly the documentary taught me so much about generational and social advancements when it comes to the LGBTQ+ world.
‘I have been petty oblivious and ignorant about it all but I hope one day to be an authoritative voice and also that my doc it helps many people on all levels.’
Speaking to The Mirror, Dame Kelly gushed: ‘The response has been truly overwhelming. I never ever visualised this positivity and support.
‘There’s been people from all walks of life, people who have followed me for years and new people who want to hear what I’ve got to say.
‘People have come out in their droves. I feel overwhelmed – it hasn’t sunk in.’
Speaking out: The outpouring of support came after Kelly publicly came out as gay after living a ‘secret life’ for decades (pictured this year)
The outpouring of support came after Kelly publicly came out as gay after living a ‘secret life’ for decades.
The athletics star admitted she was ‘fully aware’ of rumours about her sexual orientation but said she was happy to be coming out ‘on her own terms’.
Speaking to the Mirror, she said: ‘There have been lots of dark times where I wished I could scream that I am gay – but I couldn’t.
‘I needed to do this now, for me. It was my decision. I’m nervous about saying it. I feel like I’m going to explode with excitement. Sometimes I cry with relief. The moment this comes out, I’m essentially getting rid of that fear.’
Smiling again: The athletics star admitted she was ‘fully aware’ of rumours about her sexual orientation but is now happy to be coming out ‘on her own terms’
Dame Kelly confirmed she has a partner but didn’t want to give any further details, admitting it is the first time she hasn’t introduced someone as a ‘friend or PA’.
She explained how her family and close friends have known for years she is gay but she worried about being in trouble for breaching retrospective rules in the Forces.
At the time, the forces had a ban on LGBTQ+ soldiers, which was only lifted in 2000. Kelly had relationships with other women during her 10 years in service.
Kelly, who chose to come out during Pride month, told how she first realised she was gay when she kissed another female soldier at the age of 17.
Army: She explained how her family and close friends have known for years she is gay but she worried about being in trouble for breaching retrospective rules in the Forces (Dame Kelly in her Colonel role at Trooping the Colour)
After the kiss, Kelly recalled writing to her stepdad who she shares a close relationship with to explain what had happened.
She was ‘confused and scared’ but Kelly revealed her stepfather accepted her straight away before coming out to the rest of her family in 1997.
Kelly, who was made a Dame in 2005, said she dated one woman between the ages of 27 and 32 but broke off the relationship in 2002 so she was able to focus on the Athens Olympics.
And even her massive achievement of winning gold at the 800 and 1,500 metres at Athens were ruined due to her fears of being outed.
Career: Kelly said she dated one woman between the ages of 27 and 32 but broke off the relationship in 2002 so she was able to focus on the Athens Olympics
The TV personality, who is currently working on a documentary called Being Me, admitted she kept her true identity hidden for years and experienced episodes of self-harm has she struggled to cope.
Kelly confessed that even as she celebrated her gold medal in the 800 and 1,500 metres at the Athens Olympics she feared being outed as her fame hit new heights.
Before the 2003 World Championship finals, Kelly said she hit an all time low and self-harmed, recalling how she had ‘no control’ over herself.
Kelly didn’t ask for any support at the time out of fear she would be dropped from the Olympic team.
In 2018, Kelly was made an Honorary Colonel of the Royal Armoured Corps Training Regiment, which she viewed as another barrier for her coming out.
Fears: In 2018, Kelly was made an Honorary Colonel of the Royal Armoured Corps Training Regiment, which she viewed as another barrier for her coming out
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