A professional ‘infidelity coach’ has shared how women can get past being cheated on – even if they stay with their partner.
Annabelle Taylor, 33, from Portland, Oregon, ‘coaches’ women whose partners have been unfaithful – enabling them to stay with their significant other if they ‘choose to do so’.
She offers tailored advice and online sessions, depending on what support her clients need, and runs a free online community forum where women can share their experiences.
Annabelle Taylor, 33, from Portland, Oregon, is a professional ‘infidelity coach’ and she has shared how women can get past being cheated on – even if they stay with their partner
Annabelle started her business after her husband admitted he was having an affair in 2019, after a series of other betrayals, but is still with him.
Annabelle chose to remain with her husband of two years – who she does not wish to name – and began coaching others once she felt more ‘comfortable in healing’ herself.
If her clients choose to remain in their partnership, Annabelle urges them to follow some steps to ensure they heal appropriately – including listening to their body, taking space if they need it, speaking about the infidelity openly with their partner daily, and allowing them space to look into why they might have been betrayed.
Annabelle said: ‘When I went through being cheated on with my husband three years ago, it changed my entire life.
Annabelle started her business after her husband admitted he was having an affair in 2019, after a series of other betrayals, but is still with him
‘I just want to speak more and more about my experience now that I’m more comfortable in my healing and my life.
‘I wanted to be able to reach people and help people and felt like I didn’t have an outlet to do it so I started my TikTok in April.
‘Then I wanted to be able to help people on a more individual basis, so I got a coaching certification in August and now take on clients from all over the world.
‘There’s a lot of shame attached to people who stay with their partner after being cheated on.
‘They’ll have to unpack their own confusion on top of what society is pressuring on them.
‘I hold space for people who are navigating the aftermath of a huge life event, whether they’ve left, are undecided, or have chosen to stay with their partner.’
Annabelle also runs an online business on Etsy selling clay, concrete and hand-dyed goods, alongside her infidelity coaching
Annabelle also runs an online business on Etsy selling clay, concrete and hand-dyed goods, alongside her infidelity coaching.
She also frequently shares advice through social media channels, with some of her videos racking up more than 40,000 views.
From speaking openly about the infidelity to not feeling pressured by society’s expectations, how to heal a relationship after infidelity
1) Listen to what physical cues your body is telling you about how you feel
2) Take physical space away from your partner if you need it
3) Understand what’s best for you, rather than feeling pressured by societal expectations
3) Create an ‘open culture’ in your relationship, where you speak openly about the infidelity
4) Work through triggers together as a couple
5) Set your own boundaries
6) Give space to the person who has been betrayed to feel pain
7) Allow space for the person who has cheated to do a ‘deep dive’ into themselves to see why they were unfaithful
8) See a mental health professional
She decided to stay with her own partner – who she now has a 15-month-old son with – after seven months of contemplation.
At the time Annabelle found out about her husband’s infidelity, both of her parents were battling cancer and undergoing chemotherapy.
The pair ‘were in a limbo space for seven months’ but when Annabelle’s mother died in November 2019, she decided to stick by her husband after ‘he was there to hold me up and to get me through that time in every way possible’.
She stands by her decision to stay with her partner and encourages other women to do so if they feel if this is the right choice for them.
Annabelle said: ‘The reasons why people stay are very complicated. It can be financial reasons, or they’re just not ready to leave.
‘For me personally, it was because we had both been doing a lot of work individually and that work had paid off, so we came together in the healthy way we’d always wanted.
‘For a lot of women, there’s a lot of confusion around figuring out what’s truly best for them and separating that from what society pressures you into thinking what’s best for you.
‘There will be a lot of things that are put on you that you’re not put on yourself, because there’s a weird societal stereotype of weakness and naivety which isn’t necessarily true.
‘I help women understand that even though they’ll be met with shame, only you know how to run your life, so regardless of what you do, knowing that is going to help.
‘I’m not a mental health professional, and I encourage anyone going through this to seek one, but I empower people to make their own decisions.’
Each of Annabelle’s sessions are tailored to every client and their individual needs.
Hourly sessions – which cost $40 – vary from leading clients through guided meditations, general talking, sharing her own story, or just helping people understand that they will ‘survive’ their experience.
If her clients choose to remain in their partnership, Annabelle urges them to follow some steps to ensure they heal appropriately.
She said: ‘It’s absolutely a conscious decision to create a culture in your relationship after infidelity to have it be an open book.
‘You have to have a culture where it’s not a taboo subject, you have to speak about it every day, work through triggers together and be a team to understand why it had happened.
‘You have to make space for the pain and betrayal. Make space for the betrayed to feel pain and for the betrayer to do a deep dive into themselves and why they did what they did.
‘A lot of women speak about how they just can’t stop thinking about the event, and that’s completely normal.
‘Your brain, body and mind are constantly working to serve you and help you.. It’s showing you that you’ve been through a lot, it’s not a small deal, it’s major damage that you’re healing from.
‘I would never tell anyone to stay or leave, it’s my job to help someone feel empowered in their decisions but understand the risks or realities of certain behaviours and choices.’