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Ferne McCann has revealed she found the school run ‘traumatising’ following her leaked voice note scandal, but admitted it was her ‘purpose’ to get up every day.
The former TOWIE star, 32, broke down in tears while confiding in her friend James Argent, 35, in the series premiere of ITVBe’s First Time Mum, airing Wednesday night.
In November 2022, an anonymous Instagram account, called Lady Whistledown after the Bridgerton secret gossip sharer, posted a series of voice messages from a woman they claimed was Ferne.
One heard a woman’s voice label one of acid attacker Arthur Collins‘ victims a ‘silly b****’ while another saw Ferne accused of body-shaming Sam Faiers.
In footage exclusively shared with MailOnline, Ferne confessed she was ‘mortified’ to drop her daughter Sunday, five, off at school in the morning.
Teary-eyed: Ferne McCann has revealed she found the school run ‘traumatising’ following her leaked voice note scandal, but admitted it was her ‘purpose’ to get up every day
Support: The former TOWIE star, 32, broke down in tears while confiding in her friend James Argent, 35, in the series premiere of ITVBe’s First Time Mum, airing Wednesday night
Revealing she was filled with ‘anxiety’ and found it ‘traumatising’ to leave her house, she explained how an act of kindness from a fellow parent relieved her.
She said: ‘To be fair, thank God for the school run. I know it sounds so stupid, but having that consistency, like, every day was a purpose to get up because I had to for Sunday.
‘My only savior was being a parent to Sunday. Oh it was so bad… and also I’m so grateful to some of the school mums. I was so embarrassed to go on the school run, I was so mortified.
‘It was so traumatising just to get out the front door, get past the paps, the anxiety.
‘There was one school mum, who’s a good friend of mine, that called me in the car park and she was like, “I’m going to take her in for you,” and I didn’t even have to get out of the car.
‘I think that it’s those moments that I’m just like… I’ll never, ever forget. I’m so incredibly grateful for the friendships I have got.’
Arg replied, ‘I remember when I was associated with addiction and stuff, like I was thinking, “Are people not gonna wanna be seen with me or they’re not gonna wanna be associated with me?”‘
Ferne said: ‘You have hit the nail on the head. I’m so paranoid. It’s weird. I don’t want people to be seen out with me.’
Upset: In footage exclusively shared with MailOnline, Ferne confessed she was ‘mortified’ to drop her daughter Sunday, five, off at school in the morning
Sweet: Revealing she was filled with ‘anxiety’ and found it ‘traumatising’ to leave her house, she explained how an act of kindness from a fellow parent relieved her
Awful: ‘My only savior was being a parent to Sunday. Oh it was so bad… and also I’m so grateful to some of the school mums. I was so embarrassed to go on the school run, I was so mortified’
Friend: Arg replied, ‘I remember when I was associated with addiction and stuff, like I was thinking, “Are people not gonna wanna be seen with me or they’re not gonna wanna be associated with me?”‘
Arg continued, ‘You know, I’ve made some terrible mistakes in the past and you never ever once turned your back on me. You was always there for me and supportive and I’ll be the same for, you know what I mean?
‘I know you’re not a bad person, Ferne. I know, listen, don’t get me wrong, those voice notes, they weren’t nice and it wasn’t the finest hour and I’m not condoning them, of course, but you’ve been such a good friend to me over the years.
‘I would really have struggled without you and I really love you and I believe in you and I know you can turn this around.’
Ferne concluded: ‘Yeah, that means so much to me.’
Ferne broke down in tears again on Wednesday’s This Morning as she discussed her leaked voice notes scandal.
The pregnant reality star described it as her ‘lowest moment’ and admitted she has been in therapy since the incident.
Ferne, who is expecting her first child with fiancée Lorri Haines, 31, said that she was a ‘different person now’ and that the infamous recordings happened six years ago when she was in a ‘vulnerable situation’.
The former TOWIE star was shown a clip from her ITVBe show First Time Mum, which documented the breaking scandal and aftermath.
Opening up: Ferne broke down again as she opened up in a confessional
Horrific: She said: ‘It was so traumatising just to get out the front door, get past the paps, the anxiety’
Struggling to watch, Ferne said: ‘I wear my heart on my sleeves and I like to be transparent with my viewers’.
‘I have to let the cameras and it really is warts and all. I can’t just not include the difficult times.’
She went on to describe the incident as not her ‘finest hour’ and revealed she had attempted to contact those hurt by the incident.
‘It wasn’t my finest hour, it was a difficult time of my life.’
‘I need to take this opportunity again to apologise publicly again, and I have reached out to those people, but it is a criminal investigation so I can’t say too much’.
She continued: ‘The voice notes were from a time when I was in a very vulnerable situation about six years ago, I have been in therapy for six years since, I am a different person’.
In a bid to find some positive in the sad situation Ferne said: ‘I know my story will be able to help a lot of women and until then unfortunately I can’t say too much.’
Breaking down: Ferne broke down in tears on Wednesday’s This Morning as she discussed her leaked voice notes scandal
Confession: She went on to describe the incident as not her ‘finest hour’ and revealed she had attempted to contact those hurt by the incident
Emotional: In a bid to find some positive in the sad situation Ferne said: ‘I know my story will be able to help a lot of women and until then unfortunately I can’t say too much’
Ferne previously revealed that her new series will ‘address’ the voice notes leak, but cannot reveal the ‘full truth’ due to legal reasons.
Speaking on This Morning she again referred to the ongoing investigation: ‘I understand that it is really confusing, and I have this burning desire to share everything that happened to me and why I said these things but I can’t, there will be a time when I can so I hope that people can be patient with me until then.’
Going on to praise her reality show as a distraction and focus during the uproar: ‘Of course, I was hurting it was some of my lowest moments, first time mum has been a lifeline for me.’
Too much: The former TOWIE star, who is already mum to daughter Sunday, five, was shown a clip from her ITVbe show First Time Mum, which documented the breaking scandal and aftermath
Emotional: Struggling to watch, Ferne said: ‘I wear my heart on my sleeves and I like to be transparent with my viewers’
Candid: Ferne (right) opened up to hosts Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby (left)
It comes after filming on the series resumed following claims she made derogatory comments about ex-partner Arthur Collins’s acid attack victims.
It was claimed ITV bosses are backing Ferne amid her leaked voice note scandal.
A source told The Sun in November: ‘Ferne is resuming filming for First Time Mum and is heading to India.
‘She is booked to fly out of the country today and is taking a film crew with her.
‘Initially plans for filming were paused as the voice note scandal unfolded. However Ferne has the backing of her ITV bosses and filming will start in the coming days.’
Ferne previously faced calls for her show to be axed after an anonymous Instagram account leaked voice notes allegedly sent by Ferne , in which a woman’s voice labels one of acid attacker Arthur Collins’ victims a ‘silly b****’.
TV Queen: Ferne McCann: First Time Mum started in 2017 and the series has charted her life as a single mother to daughter Sunday, five (pictured on the show)
Filming: It comes after filming on the series resumed following claims she made derogatory comments about ex-partner Arthur Collins’s acid attack victims
Shocking: Ferne previously faced calls for her show to be axed after an anonymous Instagram account leaked voice notes allegedly sent by Ferne , in which a woman’s voice labels one of acid attacker Arthur Collins’ victims a ‘silly b****’ (pictured with partner Lorri Haines)
It has been claimed they were referring to Sophie Hall, who reached the final of a Miss England final 15 months after the sickening attack, baring her scars.
Collins is currently serving 20 years in prison after he threw acid in an East London nightclub in April 2017 and injured 14 people.
Ferne was blasted by acid attack victim Sophie Hall, 27, for her recent ‘insincere’ apology after calling her ‘ugly’ in the leaked voice notes.
Ferne admitted she was the voice in shocking audio files, but claimed she recorded them because she feared ‘serious harm and in the face of significant threats’.
Sophie has since demanded Ferne says sorry to her on camera while alleging she wasn’t able to read the statement since Ferne blocked her on Instagram.
She told The Sun: ‘To me her words feel so insincere. Ferne is simply trying to salvage her career. I don’t think she is sorry at all.
Ferne wrote in her online statement: ‘I am aware that people will have a number of questions about the voice messages being put into the public domain and purportedly sent by me.
Blasted: Ferne was blasted by acid attack victim Sophie Hall, 27, for her recent ‘insincere’ apology after calling her ‘ugly’ in the leaked voice notes (Sophie pictured in 2017)
Ferne wrote in her online statement: ‘I am aware that people will have a number of questions about the voice messages being put into the public domain and purportedly sent by me’
‘I feel I have no choice but to address these (to the extent that I can as there are restrictions on me which I explain below).
‘Most importantly I want to apologise to all the victims of Arthur Collins abhorrent actions in 2017 that they have to relive that night and the pain that followed because this matter is again in the public domain.
‘In particular I want to apologise to Sophie Hall. I do not believe her to be ugly or stupid. She has been brave beyond belief.
‘Arthur Collins’ crimes created genuine victims so I am not trying to portray myself as one. I am unable to say much because there are important and significant legal proceedings that prevent me from setting the record straight at this stage.
Expecting: She later took to her Instagram to share snaps as she cradled her growing belly
Blossoming: Ferne looked stylish in a figure hugging blue dress for the apperence as she showed off her blossoming bump
Leggy: The frock boasted a racy thigh-high split
Beauty: She accentuated her features with a hint of make-up and wore her locks in a chic bob
Beaming: Ferne (left) also posed for a snap with hosts Phillip and Holly (right)
‘What I can say is that the voice messages that are being released are manipulated; edited and taken entirely out of context.
Even so, I will have said things that are untrue and I did not believe – but I did so to protect my family and myself from serious harm and in the face of significant threats.’
The audio clips aren’t the first to circulate the internet, with the reality star previously accused of slamming and body shaming friend Sam Faiers.
In a statement shared with MailOnline, Ferne called the scandal a ‘harassment’ campaign against her, as well as offering her sympathies to those offended by the remarks.
Ferne McCann: First Time Mum Series 10 premieres Wednesday at 9pm on ITVBe and ITVX.
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