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Ed Sheeran faced suicidal thoughts after the death of his best friend Jamal Edwards.
Jamal, a music producer and the son of Loose Women star Brenda Edwards, tragically died after a cardiac arrest brought on by cocaine and alcohol in February 2022 at the age of 31.
Ed, 32, detailed feeling like he was ‘drowning’, when another close friend, Australian cricketer Shane Warne passed away the following month.
In a raw interview with Rolling Stone, the singer explained he felt shame around his suicidal thoughts as they seemed ‘selfish’.
Speaking about his depression, he said: ‘My best friend died. And he shouldn’t have done.
‘I’ve always had real lows in my life. But it wasn’t really till last year that I actually addressed it.
Candid: Ed Sheeran has opened up on facing suicidal thoughts after the death of his best friend Jamal Edwards
Tragic: Jamal, a music producer and the son of Loose Women star Brenda Edwards , tragically died after a cardiac arrest brought on by cocaine and alcohol in February 2022 at the age of 31
Trigger: Ed, 32, detailed feeling like he was ‘drowning’, when another close friend, Australian cricketer Shane Warne passed away the following month
‘I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore. And I have had that throughout my life.… You’re under the waves drowning. You’re just sort of in this thing. And you can’t get out of it.’
Ed added being depressed seemed ‘selfish, especially as a father. I feel really embarrassed about it.’
With the aid of his wife Cherry Seaborn who told him to seek help, Ed started seeing a therapist.
He explained: ‘No one really talks about their feelings where I come from. People think it’s weird getting a therapist in England…. I think it’s very helpful to be able to speak with someone and just vent and not feel guilty about venting.’
He continued: ‘The help isn’t a button that is pressed, where you’re automatically OK. It is something that will always be there and just has to be managed.’
Elsewhere in the candid chat, Ed spoke about his drinking and drug use and how he ended up quitting both.
He explained: ‘I was always a drinker. I didn’t touch any sort of like, drug, until I was 24.’
The singer admitted to using a ‘few’ substances but refused to name them for fear his kids would one day read it.
Ed said: ‘I remember just being at a festival and being like, “Well, if all of my friends do it, it can’t be that bad.”
‘And then sort of dabbling. And then it just turns into a habit that you do once a week and then once a day and then, like, twice a day and then, like, without booze. It just became bad vibes.’
Speaking about how he quit hard alcohol, he explained once again it was wife Cherry that put things into focus.
He recalled: ‘Two months before Lyra was born, Cherry said, “If my waters break, do you really want someone else to drive me to the hospital?”
‘Because I was just drinking a lot. And that’s when it clicked. I was like, “No, actually, I really don’t.” And I don’t ever want to be p***ed holding my kid. Ever, ever.
‘Having a couple of beers is one thing. But having a bottle of vodka is another thing. It’s just a realization of, “I’m getting into my thirties. Grow up! You’ve partied, you’ve had this experience. Be happy with that and just be done.”
‘I love red wine, and I love beer. I don’t know any old rockers that aren’t alcoholics or sober, and I didn’t want to be either.’
The death of Jamal from a combination of cocaine and booze, has cemented Ed’s feelings about drugs.
He insisted: ‘I would never, ever, ever touch anything again, because that’s how Jamal died. And that’s just disrespectful to his memory to even, like, go near.’
The star paid tribute to Jamal earlier this year with a moving freestyle that he filmed at Stamford Bridge, the home of Chelsea FC, of whom Jamal was a fan.
During an interview with BBC News, Ed said he believes he wouldn’t be the star he is now without Jamal’s support.
‘I really don’t think I would have been given the opportunities that I was given had it not been for Jamal putting his arm around me,’ he said.
Embarrassed: In a raw interview with Rolling Stone, he explained that he felt shame around his suicidal thoughts as they seemed ‘selfish’
Getting help: With the aid of his wife Cherry Seaborn who told him to seek help, Ed started seeing a therapist
Supportive: Speaking about how he quit hard alcohol, he explained that once again it was wife Cherry that put things into focus
He added he had been performing on the acoustic scene for several years before Jamal discovered him and asked him to perform on his YouTube channel.
Ed also admitted he developed an eating disorder after comparing himself to ‘every other pop star’ in the interview.
The pop star claimed he began struggling with his body image after collaborating with the likes of Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber, who both have ‘fantastic figures’.
Admitting he felt ‘mad uncomfortable’ talking about his struggles in an interview with Rolling Stone, Ed explained how he began ‘gorging’ on food before vomiting it back up again.
He said: ‘I’m self-conscious anyway, but you get into an industry where you’re getting compared to every other pop star. I was in the One Direction wave, and I’m like, “Well, why don’t I have a six pack?”
‘And I was like, “Oh, because you love kebabs and drink beer.” Then you do songs with Justin Bieber and Shawn Mendes. All these people have fantastic figures. And I was always like, “Well, why am I so … fat?”‘
Ed – who shares children Lyra, two, and Jupier, 10 months, with his wife Cherry Seaborn, 30 – continued, ‘I have a real eating problem. I’m a real binge eater. I’m a binge-everything. But I’m now more of a binge exerciser, and a binge dad. And work, obviously.’
The Bad Habits songster compared his struggles to Elton John’s, who had written in his own autobiography, ‘I had developed bulimia.’
Back in 2020, Ed said that he has a ‘very addictive personality’ and confessed that he used to binge on alcohol and junk food for the first time.
The hitmaker spoke candidly about his past and learning to deal with fame in a chat with an American self-help book publisher, reported The Sun.
Although struggling with his busy touring schedule in the past and going through some ‘dark’ moments, Ed credited Cherry with helping him through it all.
During the very candid interview, Ed revealed that when he was reading Elton John’s autobiography he could see similarities in their stories.
Giving an example from the book, he said: ‘He [Elton] would be like, “I would just go on an ice cream binge and eat four f***ing desserts until I throw it up”, and I was like, “I’ve done that before”…
‘I’m covered in tattoos and I kind of don’t do things by halves so if I’m gonna drink, I see no point in having a glass of wine. I’d rather have two bottles.’
The star praised his wife Cherry for helping him change his lifestyle and start making healthy choices.
Ed has said recently he had ‘spiralled’ into depression after his wife was diagnosed with a tumour while pregnant last year – delaying her treatment.
He broke down while discussing Cherry’s fragile health and the sudden death of Jamal in a trailer for a new four-part series on Disney+, released on Tuesday.
The British megastar sobbed in the back of a car in the emotional teaser for The Sum Of It All, which will air on May 3.
The trailer showed the Suffolk-born singer-songwriter sobbing as he grappled with the death of his friend compounded by his wife Cherry’s health battle as she prepared to give birth to their second child, Jupiter, born in May 2022.
Then there was a clip of him crying on stage, with Cherry saying: ‘I’ve never seen him cry on stage’, adding: ‘He hasn’t had the time to process and be at peace with his thoughts.’
Ed then said to the camera: ‘You guys said, “Do you want to make a documentary?” and I said, “Yeah, it’ll be me in the studio and we’ll play a gig”. But he added that after the trauma of the past year: ‘That’s not what the documentary is’.
The four-part series, out in six weeks, will chart Sheeran’s path to stardom.
The trailer started with Ed talking about his childhood, growing up with a stutter, and saying: ‘That guy doesn’t grow up to be a pop star. It’s so unlikely’.
Childhood videos of Ed are interspersed with clips of him on stage during his sellout arena tours.
Viewers will see him going from the beginning of his career to becoming one of music’s biggest stars.
Ed describes meeting his best friend Jamal, who gave him his first big break, and their friendship before his sudden death last year.
Jamal, a music producer and the son of Loose Women star Brenda Edwards, tragically died after a cardiac arrest brought on by cocaine and alcohol in February 2022 at the age of 31.
Ed’s wife Cherry is also seen in the docuseries, with clips of her pregnant with the couple’s two children Lyra, two, and Jupiter, 10 months.
Journey: The singer will be showing the ups and downs of his life on the road to stardom in the four-part series on Disney+, which will air on May 3
Awful: The series also delves into Cherry’s health issues and the toll it took on the couple
Happier times: The trailer ends with happier videos of Ed celebrating his birthday, playing on stage and laughing with his friends as he says ‘life can be unpredictable’
Success story: Childhood videos of Ed are interspersed with clips of him on stage during his sold-out arena tours
The pair are seen going on dates together, with Ed saying: ‘Everything in my life sort of got so much better when Cherry came into it.’
However, the series also delves into Cherry’s health issues and the toll it took on the couple.
Recently, Ed revealed that the couple were plagued with ‘fear, depression and anxiety’ because Cherry was diagnosed with a tumour that she couldn’t have treated until after she’d given birth to their second child.
The trailer ends with happier videos of Ed celebrating his birthday, playing on stage and laughing with his friends as he says ‘life can be unpredictable’.
- For eating disorder support, contact charity Beat on 08088010677 or visit beateatingdisorders.org.uk
- For help, call Samaritans for free on 116 123 or visit samaritans.org
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