Couples therapist Dee Tozer: Why you should celebrate Valentine’s Day

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The one VERY surprising features of ALL unhappy couples’ love-life: ‘They have no interest in this and it’s alarming’

  • Aussie couples coach Dee Tozer has worked with more than 5,000 couples
  • The Melbourne therapist says all couples should celebrate Valentine’s Day
  • She claims those who don’t are likely unhappy in their relationship 

An Australian couples therapist claims celebrating Valentine’s Day could save your relationship down the track.

Dee Tozer, from Melbourne, who has more than 30 years experience, says of the 5,000 struggling couples she’s worked with nearly all of them had no interest in celebrating the day.

Among her client sessions, she’s noticed four common reasons why couples choose not to acknowledge the annual day. 

‘It is my responsibility, and personal investment, to check in with my couples at 12 months and two years, post working with me. Ninety-four per cent (non-infidelity), 96 per cent, after infidelity – report they are doing well and haven’t looked back,’ says Dr Tozer told Mamamia.

Poll

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

  • Yes, every year 31 votes
  • No, it’s too over-commercialised 85 votes
  • I’m single 25 votes

While many believe Valentine’s Day is now over-commercialised and used as a ploy to make money, the day traces back to 5th century Romans but wasn’t linked to romance until the 14th century.

Some couples may believe love should be celebrated each day and not limited to just one day of the year, when cards, chocolates and roses are hiked up in price.

But those who don’t acknowledge the day are also at risk of feeling left out.

Dr Tozer also believes Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for couples to focus on their relationship and celebrate their love.

‘I sometimes compare a relationship to a merry-go-round, it’s fun but loses its excitement with each lap. It’s easy to lose sight of why they got on the ride in the first place,’ she said.

‘The priority to dedicate time to indulge in each other’s love is diluted to the point where not celebrating that love becomes the norm.’

The signs your partner is NOT the one: Eight red flags to look out for in your relationship that signal it’s time to leave now 

Keeping your wits about you in the early stages of a relationship means being aware of red flags – or the signs that something isn’t right.

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Australian dating and relationship expert Louanne Ward understands how easy it is to let emotion take over and ignore signals that things might not be as they seem.

She said many people ignore these warnings and enter into a relationship that might not be suitable despite the fact red flags were there from the outset

Some common indicators include:  

1. Rushing a relationship

2. They are on social media but have no photos

3. They pursue you but tell you they don’t know what they want

4. Watch for sudden outbursts of anger

5. One person controls the contact

6. They keep you at arm’s length and won’t commit

7. Sex is always a topic of conversation

8. Constantly telling small lies

Couples with children often have little to no time for themselves, let alone romance – they are usually focusing all their energy on the kids’ schedules. 

When juggling work, kids, family, social activities, sporting practice, parents can be left exhausted by the end of the week.  

Valentine’s Day gives couples an excuse to get a babysitter, go out to dinner and spoil each other.

Dr Tozer believes Valentine's Day is an opportunity for couples to focus on their relationship and celebrate their love. 'I sometimes compare a relationship to a merry-go-round, it's fun but loses its excitement with each lap. It's easy to lose sight of why they got on the ride in the first place,' she said (stock image)

Dr Tozer believes Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for couples to focus on their relationship and celebrate their love. ‘I sometimes compare a relationship to a merry-go-round, it’s fun but loses its excitement with each lap. It’s easy to lose sight of why they got on the ride in the first place,’ she said (stock image)

Dr Tozer claims she’s heard various complaints from both men and women regarding how they act in response to common misconceptions. 

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For instance, some may argue Valentine’s Day is about husband’s pursuing wives, when the day should be about celebrating the relationship as a whole. 

Dr Tozer says she’s heard men complain they’ve bought their partner flowers and gifts without receiving even a thank you in return, while women may believe their partner just wants sex.

When did Valentine’s Day become romantic? 

Valentine’s Day is a holiday when lovers express their affection with greetings and gifts. 

It is also called St. Valentine’s Day. The holiday has expanded to express affection between relatives and friends.

Valentine’s Day did not come to be celebrated as a day of romance until about the 14th century.

Formal messages, or valentines, appeared in the 1500s, and by the late 1700s commercially printed cards were being used.

Source: Brittanica.com

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