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Before calling time on a long-term relationship, couples will often take drastic action to save their romance – whether that’s signing up to counselling or going on a ‘make or break’ trip.
But when it comes to friendships in crisis, people tend to take the exact opposite approach, allowing the relationship to drift past the point of no return.
But now British friendship coach Sue Tappenden has revealed the ways to regain the spark in a friendship.
Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, the expert, from Kent, also explained how to know it’s time to say goodbye to a toxic friend.
Friendship expert Sue Tappeden, from Kent, has shared the seven things all long-term friends should do (stock image)
1. Lower your expectations
Putting too much pressure on your friendships is only going to create problems down the road, the expert said.
Sue explained: ‘None of us are perfect and so expecting our friends to be perfect at friend-ing all of the time is a road to disappointment, fall-outs and distress.
‘A great rule of thumb is to be the best friend that you want to have – caring, flexible, understanding, forgiving, honest, encouraging, fun, thoughtful and whatever else is needed. You reap what you sow.’
The friendship coach (pictured) urged people to be ‘caring, flexible, understanding, forgiving, honest and fun’ with their pals if they want to have them in their lives for a long time
2. Space is healthy (and not always a bad sign!)
There’s nothing like a demanding job or young children to take your mind off your friendships – and Sue urged people to be forgiving when it comes to a change in life circumstances.
She continued: ‘Like all healthy and meaningful relationships, great friendships ebb and flow over time as individual priorities change. Family needs, work pressure, a new partner and more can shift the focus away from friends at times.
‘Trust that it’s normal, it’s probably not about you and be patient – you might miss their company but they need to know you’re waiting for them, no pressure.’
3. Show them you’re thinking of them
It might not be possible to see them as much as you’d like to – but Sue says a crucial part of reinforcing your friendships is to show your support through good times and bad.
The coach continued: ‘Good friends understand the obvious and the not-so obvious – it’s often the secret sauce that highlights a deep friendship from the others.
‘Show them you understand with a thoughtful gift that you know they’ll love, a quick check-in message when something big is going on for them, encouragement to meet up when you know they’re feeling down, offering a listening ear.’
4. Always have something in the diary
It’s all too easy to drift apart with your close friends if you don’t have anything in the diary to look forward to together.
As such, the expert recommends pinning each other down with standing dates where you can.
Sue said: ‘When life is busy, finding enough time to enjoy each other’s company, to chill out, relax and have fun with friends can be really tough.
‘Sit down together and plan ahead – nights out, shopping trips, weekends away – whatever you love to do together. Get it in the diary and get started on making it happen.’
5. Reserve your judgement
In order to maintain strong and healthy friendships, Sue says it’s important that your pals never feel judged around you.
She explained: ‘One of the brilliant things about being good friends is that you can both show up and be exactly as you are and it doesn’t matter.
‘Whether it’s no make-up, unwashed hair, messy crying, bad cooking, tired and emotional or an untidy house – being able to be you without worrying about being judged is a huge gift.’
7. Tough love is a given (just package it with care!)
No friendships is ever going to be smooth-sailing 100 per cent of the time – but if you’re going to have a difficult conversation with a friend, make sure to approach it tactfully.
The friendship coach said: ‘There are times when our friends need to hear difficult stuff and sometimes our job as a bestie is to tell them like it is. We know them well, care deeply about them and all strong friendships are built on trust.
‘They may not like what they hear or agree with what you say but they will listen and quite probably thank you in the long run!
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