Are YOU suffering an abandonment wound?

A psychologist has revealed nine ways an abandonment wound can show up in relationships – from being overly eager to please to struggling to trust your partner’s intentions.    

Dr Lalitaa Suglani, a chartered psychologist based in Birmingham, shared the information in a post on Instagram, where she has more than 110,000 followers. 

In the post, she said the abandonment wound ‘often comes from a place of “not feeling good enough” which can project out in all aspects of our lives including our relationships’. 

Dr Lalitaa added that it ‘can start from childhood, where perhaps your needs were not met in the way you needed them to be and you internalised the belief of not being good enough which we try to fill through behaviours in adult life’.

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Having an abandonment wound can show up in relationships in numerous ways, according to a psychologist, who listed nine of the ways (stock image)

She continued: ‘It shows up in our relationships where we project our childhood need for acceptance. 

‘We internalise that there is something wrong with us and that no one will love us so try to fit into the relationship to keep ourselves safe. 

‘Abandonment behaviours are a form of anxiety that occurs when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. 

‘People who struggle with abandonment wounds experience extreme emotional sensitivity to anything that can trigger rejection, for example, feeling insignificant, criticised, misunderstood, slighted, excluded, or overlooked.’

Among the nine ways the abandonment wound can show up in relationships, the psychologist listed being more concerned with whether someone you’ve met likes you, as opposed to whether you are interested in them.

She also listed staying in relationships even when you’re miserable out of fear, and personalising someone’s lack of interest in you, so it feels like crushing rejection.

People suffering from the abandonment wound may find they give too much or are overly eager to please, and date people they feel you can fix, save or rescue, finding comfort in the care taking role because they feel needed.

She also listed continuing to try to get connection from an ex, even when they have made it clear they are not interested, as one of the signs.

Another sign is not wanting to engage in difficult or awkward conversations in fear of upsetting your partner and avoiding conflict or potential rejection.

And the list went on to outline how people with this issue may have trouble trusting their partner’s intentions, and therefore they worried their partners will leave them.

The final point included in the list was that people with the abandonment would may ‘betray’ themselves.

This manifests in allowing your needs to go unmet in relationships to keep peace so your partner does not leave.

The psychologist noted that these examples are not limited to romantic partnerships.

According to Dr Lalitaa, they can also crop up in the relationships we have with friends, family members, and work colleagues. 

She added that ‘you can have support to help you manage this.’

Dr Lalitaa wrote: ‘It is never too late to seek help for this. It starts with self-awareness to understanding and then having tools to help you manage your emotions.’

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