Sen. Rand Paul’s annual ‘Festivus Report’ highlights government funded programs

Kentucky Republican Sen. Rand Paul donned a red jacket and stood before a roaring fire to release his annual ‘Festivus Report,’ which roasts and catalogues $482 billion in government funded programs that he considers ‘pork barrel spending.’

‘This year, I am highlighting a whopping $482,276,543,907 of waste, including a steroid-induced hamster fight club, a study to see if kids love their pets, and a study of the romantic patterns of parrots,’ Paul said in his report, which plays off the iconic Seinfeld holiday celebrated by George Costanza. 

The conservative and controversial politician put out the report just as the House voted to pass a $1.7 trillion omnibus appropriations bill that many Republicans slammed as larded with excess spending, although like a nostalgic Christmas playlist, many of the programs Paul highlights are from years gone by.

‘The earmarks were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes the St. Nicholas soon would be there,’ he read in his big spending take on ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.’

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) released his annual ‘Festivus Report’ ripping excess government spending. It came on a day the House passed a $1.7 trillion omnibus appropriations bill

‘The senators were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of pork danced in their heads,’ Paul said. 

The report highlights a skein of programs funded with government money that have an air of government largesse or goofy sounding titles.

He cites $3 million for a hamster ‘fight club,’ pointing to research funded by the National Institutes of Health ‘to watch steroid-injected hamsters fight to study whether current drugs for aggressive youth suppress steroid-induced aggression.’

Paul singled out a hamster experiment testing the effects of steroids, although PETA claims it killed funding for the project years ago

White with foam: Paul singled out Pentagon and US Navy purchases of espresso machines

Earlier this week Paul threatened to stall the massive $1.7 trillion stimulus bill. He backed off, and the deal cleared the Senate Thursday, although Paul did try to amend it to slash spending

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But a footnote in Paul’s document cites a 1994 academic study, ‘Psychological characteristics of adolescent steroid users.’ People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said it killed the study, which was funded for years, back in 2017. 

Paul’s report also says the ‘Department of Defense (DoD) Department of the Navy has spent over $192,952 on top-of-the-line Starbucks espresso machines’ rather than allowing people to have an old fashioned ‘cup of Joe.’ 

The report links to contracts on USA Spending.gov for espresso and coffee machines from Starbucks from 2017 through 2021, including a $24,000 order in 2019 that was categorized as a kitchen equipment purchase.

When asked why programs from six years ago were on the current list, a Paul spokesperson said that the ‘Waste of 2022’ title ‘is referring to the waste we’ve chosen to highlight for this year and does not mean that every item/study is from 2022.’

The report also highlights such programs as ‘subsidizing the free New York Staten Island Ferry,’ ‘Boosting the Tunisia travel sector during COVID-19,’ and ‘Constructing a Gandhi museum.’